Guilty

Being a home-schooling Mom is hard.

You don't send your kids away for the day....

in short,
they are always with you.


You don't get a break.




Living alone with four kids makes it even worse.

You are always on call,
You. Are. It.

What does this have to do with guilt, you ask?

Well, you may not ask, but I'm agoin' to tell you.

I've been staying up way too late at night.

This makes me tired and cranky the next day.
It's hard for me to get going,
so not as much gets done.

I know I should go to bed.

I know I'm dumb.

And every morning I say to myself,
"That was stupid. Tonight you're going to bed early, dumbass."

So the next night, I finally get the kids in bed,
and I finally have peace.

And quiet.

And I can do what I want.

And I enjoy myself so much I don't go to bed.


And the cycle continues.

Self discipline is a tricky thing.

I always went to bed an hour or two after the kids.

But now it's more like three, or maybe four.



I have lapsed in the self discipline department.

And of course, not only am I overtired, but I feel guilty too.

For being tired.

'Cause it's my own stupid fault.

So.

I am writing this to say,

I am going the heck to bed.

I am sick of being tired,
and feeling guilty.

I will relish my peace for two hours at the most.

Then, bedtime for me.

That means I only have half an hour,
so I have to go if I want to read any of my book.

Good-night!!