She

Because of events that have happened in her short life,
she hates to be left.

Every kid does, I know.

But not like her.
She takes it farther.

She fears abandonment.



No kid likes being left by their Mommy,
and will punish them the next day.


But for her, it's more.

The other night I got ready to go out and burn garbage.

Ava saw me putting on my coat and boots, and asked,"Can I come?"

I said no. It was dark, and cold, and I didn't want her outside.

I explained to her that I was just burning garbage, and would be right back.

She knows what this means. She's gone with me before.


She started crying right away,
and went to get her coat and boots.

I reiterated that I would be right back,

and I left.


It took me longer than I thought, as there was two bags out there that hadn't been burnt yet,
plus the two I took out.


But still, it wasn't that long.


When I came back in, she was wailing.

I took off my coat and boots, gave her a hug,
and said, "See? I'm back. I told you I would be right back."

She continued to wail, and clung to my legs as I tried to dish up supper.


I sat on the floor in the middle of the kitchen, and scooped her into my arms.

I said, "Ava."
When she looked at me I told her,
"I love you. I will sometimes leave, but I'll always come back to you."

Her crying changed from a wail to deep body racking sobs.


Her little hands clung to my arms, as the racking sobs shook her body.

I said it again,
"Sometimes Mommy has to go somewhere, but I will always come back."

I stroked her hair, as her sobs diminished.

She calmed down as I kept whispering,
"I'll always come back to you. I love you."



God, let it be so.
Let me keep my promise.
Let me always be there for her.