Goodbye, 2010

 So, Wow.

2010.

You were quite the year.

The hardest year I've had yet.

And in some ways the best.

 Let's see.

What did I learn?

Well, Number one is that you don't always know WHAT you can handle.

I was betrayed in the worst way a person can be.

It was heartbreaking.

And I always thought I KNEW how I'd react.

And at first, I did react how I thought I would.

But.

You can say to yourself,

"Well, if somebody EVER did that to me, I would do THIS!  Fo SHIZZLE!"

But the thing is, you never know till you're there.

What you thought was unforgivable may not be.......

 Unless you are in the situation, you just can"t tell what you will do.

 The old walk a mile mentality.

 I'll intersperse the bad with the good.

'Cause that's life, right?

This?

 This is good.

Makes my heart happy.

 So, besides figuring out the whole, "Walk a Mile" thing...

I also learned that some people are intimidated by me.

This was a little shocking to me.

I would never have describes myself as intimidating.

But, apparently,

I scare people.

These people won't talk to certain people, or go certain places

because of me.

Now, the fact that these people are less than stellar members of society aside,

this bothered me somewhat.

I am sure and certain that at times I can be a B!@#*.

But I never set out to be.

When I find I have been, I am always sorry....

But apparently my dislike for promiscuous women is discernible......

I've said it before.

One thing I'd change about me if I could......

the ability to hide my feelings.

'Cause I can't.

This is a Rooster in the background.

For some reason we missed him on Butcher Day.

He was the sorriest Roo, and still is.

Scared of everything.

Small.

Wiry.

Ninja ability to evade capture.

Haven't killed him yet,

cause

I gotta admire his survivor skills.

 Apparently I have an "Evil Eye" to contend with.

Which, in retrospect,

shouldn't surprise me.

When I worked in my soul-sucking job,

I stared down a gentleman with a bit too much of a variety of chemicals in his body

who decided to pull a gun on me when I refused his request for a beverage.

I've also been threatened with a knife.

By women and men.

And a giant of a man who threw a couple huge metal barstools at me.

Stared 'em down, bluffed them out.

So, I know I'm capable.

It's just I didn't MEAN to scare these people.

Got me thinking about whether all society sees me this way.

'Cause I don't want to be known as the Hard Ass B!@#$*.

But I don't think I am.

I don't think.

 I also learned that I am impatient.

I know I've said this before,

but it goes deeper.

You know that verse?

The one that says,

 "Be still and know that I am God?"

I have trouble being still.

A lot.

I am a person of action.

Of reaction.

I am currently typing with only 9 fingers.

Why?

'Cause I cut a tendon in my right index finger.

And I'm right handed.

And it's my INDEX finger.

Can't pick my nose in quite the same way....

This happened because I react.

Don't always think it through.

Certainly don't wait.

If I told you HOW I did it,

you'd think I was crazy.

Mentally deranged.

But if I told you WHY I did it,

you'd probably understand.

And wonder why I didn't do more,

and why I put myself in that situation in the first place.

This trait can be good in some instances....

Like in a crises.

I'm good with a crises.

I definitely have a fight response, not a flight.

Someone's shooting at you?

I'd take him down.

You cut your hand off?

I'd find it, put it on ice, and get you to the hospital.

But in cases where patience and not jumping to conclusions would be good,

I lose.

Thus the finger.

This is a giant meat hen

She is the hen that Quin made a pet of, and begged me not to kill.

Her name is Joniah.

She's twice the size of my hens,

and I'm sure eats twice as much,

but maybe I can hatch out my own meat birds.

Maybe.

I've also learned I over analyze 

 I'm constantly thinking.

Analyzing.

 Studying motives.....

The problem is

I also see both sides.

 So, I analyze a situation,

 come to a conclusion,

 accept it,

 and then analyze the opposite viewpoint,

come to a conclusion,

and accept that.

I think it's safe to say I'm crazy.

I've learned that the only thing I can rely on,

the One Person,

is God.

He has given me so much.

My children.

This place where I live.

My horse here with me.

My chickens.

My dogs.

My family.

Somehow He supplies all my needs.

And He hasn't given up on me,

no matter how crazy I am.

So.

Resolutions for this year?

This is it.

Romans 12: 9-21

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

For some reason Blogger won't let me put text between those last two pictures.

I dunno why.

Was going to end with:

What I hope for 2011?

Peace.

Calm.

Stability.

And a dog who waits patiently for the one he loves.

(Now imagine the picture of Cyrus.)

Awwwwwww.