Reality

Sucks sometimes.

I'm usually pretty good at facing reality.

Like, for example,

I've lost a lot of weight lately.

Like, a LOT.

And I would really love a new pair of Silver Jeans

'cause they make my butt look awesome 

But,

the reality is,

I am raising four kids,

and therefore can not justify spending $80 on a pair of jeans.

And so, 

the reality is

I must be happy with my $3 pair of thrift shop jeans.

And I am.

They fit.

But in a certain situation,

I have denied reality.

Ignored it.

Looked away.

Wished it away.

Fought incredibly hard against it.

I thought I could change it,

if I only did this,

or that,

or the other thing.

If I just TRIED really hard.....

And I've had to come to face the fact 

that no matter how much you want reality to change

it just is.

And wanting and wishing something else doesn't change it.

No matter how much you want it.

This is the hardest thing I've done in my life.

And I've done some hard things.

But facing the facts about this situation?

I did NOT want too.

But,

reality is,

I have to.

I'm sorry if this post is vague to some....

But that's the reality;p

Another Brooke Fraser song

about what I'm going through.

I swear she writes for me.

Lyrics:

Take my shoulder back now

Your heads too heavy for me.

Please don't come around here no more

'Cause I asked you to stop,

and you wouldn't.

And I would give anything

To make you better

I would give anything

To point you to free

I would give anything

To help you realize,

I loved you till it killed me

So my logic wouldn't hurt you

I know you might blame me anyway

I'm sorry,

I'm so sorry.

I would give anything

To make you better

I would give anything 

To point you to free

I would give anything

To help you realize

You're not helping yourself

To me

I tried all the things, 

They told me to do

Tried to close up the wounds

left open by you

And if I seem doubtful, distrusting  

I am

You said you wouldn't do it again

You said you wouldn't do it again

I would give anything

to make you better

I would give anything 

To point you to free

I would give anything

To help you realize

You're not helping yourself

You're not helping yourself by hurting me.